As the only child of parents that are currently very independent I wanted to prepare myself for a time when they will need my assistance either physically, financially or both. Both very successful in business, they are used to handling everything on their own. They both also worked very hard to shield me from any burdens, letting me live worry free for many years. So I wondered, will they ever let me know they needed me. Would they be too proud or too concerned about disrupting my “perfect life” created for me to not bother me? Would I find out when it was “too late” that they needed me?

So we started having discussions, casually at first. “I noticed you something different going on. Are you ok?” “You had a doctor’s appointment. How did it go? Was it a check up or are you concerned about something?”

Sometimes the conversations are less casual because I am anxious in the larger changes. So I will ask, “Are you planning to move to a place that has no stairs? That may get a little difficult in later years.” Those conversations are still good, but the tone is a tad different.

My mother, always the planner, has been letting me know her plans for when she is deceased for years. Yes, we are all going to die one day but I wanted to discuss the more short term plans. Sometimes those conversations go well, and sometimes they do not. But in the end we come to an understanding that we agree to disagree and we RESPECT each others opinion.

In having discussions with my mother, she knows I have her best interest in mind. I may come across very opinionated and in a manner that speaks “I know what is best for you “.  It may even sound like a role reversal and I am trying to act like her mother. But that is far from the truth and not my intent. She still is my mother and deserves respect from me; the same respect I gave her at the age of 10 I give her at the age of 46.

Through our discussion, I learn that I needed to listen more to what her concerns are, even if they don’t make sense to me. I am learning that what is important to her may not be important to me, but I am not living her reality.

I am blessed. My mother and father have open conversations with me so I pretty much know what is going on in their lives. However, I hear stories of other adult children of aging parents that are struggling with the having difficult conversations. Many adult children feel they are now the parent. Some adult children tell me that they wish their parents talked to them about their plans before their parents could no longer make their own decisions. There are also resources adult children are not aware of that can help their parents. This blog will address many of these concerns and more.

Some topics that will be discussed include:

These conversations with your parents is not a one time conversation. It may be uncomfortable but the more you continue to have a conversation and let your parents know you are on this path with them, the easier it will be.